Is the Grass Always Greener on the Other Side?

So why did I start this blog? Hmmm....because there are so many websites out there about men and relationships. Some of them have really great information and some are well, just downright crap. So I think I know enough from my own research and personal experience to stop reading other people's opinions, theories and strategies and start putting my own ideas out there. You may not agree with everything I have to say or all my ideas, but I hope that everything I've been through has resulted in me acquiring some shred of knowledge I can share with you to help you make better decisions in your dating life or in your current relationship. Heck, maybe we can figure things out together. I've been single for 16 years, so I'm hoping you can at least avoid being someone who gets to say THAT to people (makes me cringe to even think about it).  Or at least maybe I can give you a place to vent about your own dating woes. I'd say that's a win-win for everybody.

So why do I think I might be an expert on men and relationships? Well, obviously I've been single for just a wee bit. In those 16 years I've dated some fabulous men, none of which wanted to stay in my life permanently for one reason or another and none that wanted to stay in my life for very long. 

So I'm going to start at the beginning of my divorce sentence (looks like it's going to at least be 16 years to life) so that everyone can understand how the heck I got here.  And hey, if you want to weigh in on why my love life has turned out the way it has or if you have stories of your own to share, well by golly please do post them!

OK, so 16 years ago, well actually a few months before I got divorced, a friend introduced me to my first potential post-divorce suitor. I went out with the man, a very handsome paramedic, and after the date I decided I'd like to continue to get to know him. My husband did not want for us to divorce, but now that I had met a new man, well it didn't seem like I needed to keep my soon to be ex on the line with this exciting new man waiting in the wings. It was so exciting to think about someone else! After my date with the paramedic (McDreamy, wait maybe McSteamy), I waited with anticipation, on the edge of my seat, for the next call.  But the strangest thing happened. I found myself waiting for a very uncomfortable length of time. That euphoric feeling was replaced with some slight anxiety. I couldn't figure out what was going on and why I hadn't heard from my McSteamy. Did I have bad breath? Did I look fat in my outfit? What was it??? Well my friend told me that McSteamy had been dating another girl when he went out with me.  That girl found out about me and put her foot down with him and he chose to be with her. My friend was going to tell me earlier, but he SWORE that it was his responsibility and he was going to step up to the plate and take care of it. Well guess he got lost on the way to the baseball field because he never made that call.

So I thought well, the chances of me finding my knight in shining armor the first time out of the gate was probably slim to none, but he was out there and I was going to find him (or as a last resort, club him over the head and drag him into the house and keep him locked in a closet)!

So as luck would have it, I had another friend introduce me to another man. He was getting his PhD in Nuclear Engineering. Let me just say I love a man with brains! There is nothing worse than leaning over to whisper your lover's name in his ear and you hear an echo. So I met the rocket scientist for lunch. I wasn't impressed by his looks and thought that this was a non starter. But the next day I walk into my office and there was a dozen red roses sitting on my desk from the rocket scientist himself. I thought I might need to reconsider my decision. So I started dating him. Everything felt really great until about 3 or 4 months into the relationship when he got a job in another city. After he moved he called me one day and told me that he didn't like dating someone who lived so far away, that it wasn't like when we were in the same town. I was devastated. He had hung out with and played with my kids and been supportive of me in so many ways, but now he wanted to exit from my life because it was not convenient for him? So I asked if we could stay friends, which we did. I was super fun in all my correspondence with him, which made him call me one night out of the blue. I was on cloud nine! We started dating again and at the one year mark I told him I loved him. He said he didn't feel the same but that he thought I might be the one and that he hoped that made me happy. I was disappointed, but a bit naive in those early days and had hope that he'd have some epiphany. BIG mistake and BIG red flag! Other big red flags started to appear. For example, every Valentine's Day he would send peach roses instead of red because he said red meant love. God forbid he wouldn't want me to think that he loved me! The second set of peach Valentine's Day roses that waltzed through my door made me want to puke all over the delivery guy. I signed for them and put them in the corner of my office so I couldn't see them. And there was the nagging feeling that, errr...he still had not used those 3 important words. All told we dated for a little over 2 years and then he broke up with me because he said he needed to make decisions and couldn't make those. So I left his house and drove the long, over one hour drive home crying all the way. I never heard I love you from his mouth and had the painful task of telling my oldest daughter, who was very close to him, that he was not coming back. She called me a liar and I felt horrible guilt for not protecting my babys in such an uncertain situation.

Dating Lesson #1 was that I learned I needed to protect my children better in the future. So there I was, divorced and thinking that finding my soul mate would be not only easy, but quick. As my ex husband came to pick up the kids from my house one day and I watched them drive away I thought, the grass is not always greener on the other side...

So that's Aggiegirly's theory of the day. Appreciate what you have and work at it. You can always let go of someone, but is it really worth it? Are you looking for the unicorn rather than working within your current relationship? Is the grass really always greener on the other side?